guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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