i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
