great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
