He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
