In the future we'll all be gay
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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