i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
