I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
