Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
