I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
