What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
