so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
