allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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