Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
