I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
