Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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