I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
