don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
