We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
