Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
high people should be assigned attendants
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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