My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
