I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
