No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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