Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
