I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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