why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
