Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
