I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
