Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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