We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
