Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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