there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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