I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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