I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
