Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
