I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
