You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
