Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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