see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
