nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
