If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
