Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
