I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
