A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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