Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize