I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
