the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
