You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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