good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
