Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
