everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
