She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
