First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
