My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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