I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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