I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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