i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
