I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
