wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think a kid would responsible me up
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
