we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
