I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
