I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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