Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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