I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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