Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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