youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
