do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
