His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
