Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
