He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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