Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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