the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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