Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
