I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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