Your face is a jimmy john
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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