I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
