went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
