so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
