I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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