What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
