my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
